What I loved most about Call Me by Your Name must have been its multifaceted ambiguity, not necessarily only as it is protruded in the story itself, as it is the story of attraction, love and queerness, of reading and interpreting signs: "does he like me, do I like him, what does this mean, am I gay?”. But also in other ways this ambiguity surfaces: at times Elio is clearly an adult, a witty young man that is confident, blunt and intelligent. At other times he is a fragile and introverted teenager, clearly a boy that is not yet a man and is very much aware of this, perhaps best expressed when he tells Oliver: “If you knew how little I know about the things that matter”. This ambiguity was also interestingly portrayed in his body language, with Elio’s movements always appearing as if he’s trying to make his body look bigger.
On another level this ambiguity has a presence because at times the issues that were at stake in this film went way beyond the issue of a queer theme, as many of the problems facing Elio or lines said have a feeling to them that goes beyond the ‘gay’ storyline or one that appeals to a kind of identity politics. The question that forms the premise of the film, “Is it better to speak, or to die?”, is one that speaks directly to a queer narrative, of hiding a secret, a desire, a love, an attraction that is not accepted in society, especially because this film takes place in 1983. However, this question is not one of queerness only, as it is a question that could speak to everyone that feels like they cannot communicate their feelings, or cannot express their love for someone in the way they want to, fearing what will happen when they do.
This also leads to the possibility of reading several scenes in a different way: when at the end of the film the father has ’the talk’ of acceptance with Elio, it could be read in a way that he’s describing his own experience of a ‘gay encounter’ in his past, praising Elio for being brave enough to embrace this attraction and go where he did not dare to go, something that is hinted at in another scene where Oliver and the father watch slides of statues, and mr. Perlman remarks on the aesthetics of their bodies. However, initially I read this scene in an entirely different way, as if the father is speaking not about (or not solely about) having had a gay encounter that he did not dare to follow through with, but more about that once he came as close to what Elio had in terms of passion or love, almost as if Elio’s father is confessing that he and Elio’s mother are not quite that, and that once he had the opportunity to feel this passion or love that Elio feels, but did not go through with it, regardless of whether this attraction was to a man or a woman.
On the one hand, this aspect of ‘going beyond’ a queer theme could be said to be problematic: the film is about a specific gay or bisexual experience, but in many ways it is not specific enough to only be about that, and hence it could be said that it also loses some of that ‘queer specificity'. What made Moonlight such a fantastic film is that it is so deeply rooted in this intersectionality of a specific black, queer and localised experience. On the other hand, this idea that in many instances Call Me by Your Name does not speak only to a queer experience, but to broader (I’m tempted but would refuse to use words like ‘universal’) experiences of love/desire, and issues of communication and feeling, is what makes it a truly remarkable film for me. Watching this film with a friend who was dealing with the recent suicide of his friend, this question “Is it better to speak, or to die?” raises stakes that are similar but also very different to the specific experience of the characters in the film. Had they spoken to someone about her feelings and had she gone to see a professional who could have diagnosed her depression, would she maybe still be alive? This question or these feelings are specifically important to queerness, but IS and/or should be at the same time a question that speaks to all of us.
Another thing I loved about this film was that in moments that could easily be considered awkward, cringe worthy and off-putting, the characters truly embraced the moment. This is perhaps best seen in the ‘infamous’ ‘peach scene’: normalising things that would in other films might be played out as an uncomfortable joke or cringeworthy scene in a very positive and affirmative way and hence not milking Elio’s feeling of shame for laughs or discomfort when Oliver finds out what he’s been doing, but Oliver affirming Elio to not be troubled about his feeling. This aspect of affirmation, which to me was one of the most powerful elements in this film, is also found in the relationship with Elio’s parents, who always seem to be one step ahead of Elio’s own awareness of his feelings, which I considered quite beautiful and were also very subtle in the sense that it adheres to Elio as the main focaliser of the story: perhaps we remain unaware of signs too. The awkwardness and vulnerability of being a teenager-not-yet-adult, or anyone finding themselves discovering one's self through a connection to someone else is truly embraced in a very tender and powerful way. This is also conveyed in the meaning of (the motif of) the film's title: "Call me by your name, and I'll call you by mine". This reminded me a lot of Arthur Rimbaud's quote "Je est un autre" ("I is somebody else"), that we can never truly ourselves, and perhaps that only through knowing someone else knowing us (or even 'being' or 'becoming' us), we get to know ourselves.
All in all, to me the film almost functions like being in love itself, you fall in love with this film, not in a way that it was a great film with a heart warming summer mood and that you are 'in love with it', but in a way that it has this ‘affect’ of feeling in love created by this film itself: you feel it in your gut when you watch it (though I can imagine this is not for everyone, like not everyone is attracted or falls in love with the same person). And when it is over, you cannot wait to see it again, much like you cannot wait to see a person again when you are in love with them and have to spend time away from each other. Similar to Elio and Oliver counting down the hours to meet at midnight then, I’m counting down the days until this goes out in general release here so I can watch it again ...
